At this point, it probably sounds a little too familiar.
"Nobody ever wants me. Nobody is ever going to want me."
"Why am I so ugly?"
"Everything is easier for pretty/beautiful people."
"I would probably get that job/promotion/etc. if only I'm (insert a 'desirable 'physical traits here)"
First, I would like to say that I will not address the common arguments and debate on this. Is life unfair? Sure. Is it your fault that you're ugly/undesirable...? Most of the time, not. Are we all driven by our instinct towards 'desirable' traits for better chance of survival and successful offspring production and survival? It's applicable in most situations. Are these 'desirable' traits subjective? ABSOLUTELY!
This post is also not about seeking a change in other people. As much as we like to think or are made to think that we can control people, we cannot. However, what we can change comes from within us. I'm not telling you to go out and buy expensive outfits or change your hair or lose weights or whatever people do to 'change'. I'm also not telling to change. I'm simply sharing my experience as someone who carries around insecurity about my physical appearance almost my whole life.
My experience is not a unique one by any stretch of imagination. Those things up there have run through my head at least once a day - during a good week. Even at this point, I can look in a mirror and say to myself "I look okay" and yet I can help letting those thoughts running through my mind. These crippling thoughts then become a big part of my day. They weigh me down and completely nip any potentials a new day may bring at the bud.
The thing that happened for me made me realize or really cemented my understanding that we were all driven by our desire to live or merely to survive. Amidst those dark thoughts, something inside me told me to take action. I had wanted to die yet I didn't die. I did not follow through and let the dark thoughts take hold of me. Rather, I tried to seek a solution.
"If I'm going to be alone, I'd better be strong so I can take care of myself."
"If things do not come easily for me, I have to work twice as hard. I have to be twice as smart. I have to be twice as nice."
And so on.
These things have been with me until now. I have carried these thoughts with me so much that I have subconsciously formed a good work ethics and a somewhat decent personality. It's also because of this that I learnt an important lesson sooner than everyone else - "Nobody has to do anything for you." And that is how I learnt to rely on myself and continuously improved so that I could rely only on myself.
I would also tell you one more thing. It might sound a little contradictory but stay with me.
I worked in a creative field. During my creative years, I had always thought that being ugly was my biggest strength. It was because that I was ugly, I was able to understand beauty in a different way and to find beauty in unexpected places. I was also young then so the only thing I knew or was driven by was to seek acceptance. I thought that being ugly allowed me to bring forth beauty in my work so that I could be accepted by others. I knew it was naive yet it was the thing that kept me going.
So what's the point in all of this? It's that what you consider your own weakness or what others see as your shortcomings might be your greatest strength. It's easy to follow the current and go downstream towards negativity and giving up. It takes strength to fight against the current. To find that flickering light in the darkness. Yes, I still regarded myself as ugly and did not find the solution to change that. However, what I found was the strength to keep going, to push forward and to make it through the day. Life is not always about finding that ultimate solution. If you can advance just a little bit on your path to the finish line or goal or whatever you have, maybe it's good enough. It's progress. Maybe along your journey, you might discover a different path. The important thing is that you keep going.
